how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
