with your own penis?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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