dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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