she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
