Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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