Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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