Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
