it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
