I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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