You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm at about main and main street
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
