I think I won the penis lottery.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
