yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
