i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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