I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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