did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
