I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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