i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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