no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS