She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
