i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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