ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
