I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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