I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
