non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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