I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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