Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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