And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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