I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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