I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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