my sisters under your porch take her home
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
