garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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