Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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