i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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