why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
