So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
