I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
