So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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