so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
