Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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