Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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