I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
