That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
