Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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