I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
