I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
