It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
