That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
