The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
