I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
