How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
