Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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