so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
