You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
