Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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