I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
