toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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