I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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