There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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