dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
