my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
