At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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