She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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