Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
