Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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