Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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