come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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