well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
