Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
