There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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