I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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