Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
