Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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