I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
