we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
