It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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