I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
