I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
