Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
