you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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