Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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